I have been a wastrel in my life many times. Far too many to count. I’m guilty of taking an extra long nap during a beautiful day, of sleeping in when there is work to do, and letting my friendships fall by the wayside because I was too busy or caught up in the thoughts in my head.
I’ve been spending a lot of time thinking about my energy levels, what interactions cost me, and what energizes and reinvigorates me. I’ve come to the realization that I engage in a lot of activities that make me disengage. These aren’t moments when I disengage to recharge, but when I check out as an avoidance strategy. I believe we all do this to a certain extent. For some of us, it is when we watch TV, or make dinner. Sometimes I will mentally vacate while going on a run, but this doesn’t make me feel like a wastrel. Instead, it is when I fall sleep because I’m too depleted to put forth the energy it takes to be social, thankful, or thoughtful. I’m guilty of being absent when I watch TV or when I’m in a group of friends, and thankfully, I have a few friends who will point out when I’ve gone into the ether with my thoughts, and they help me feel like less of a wastrel. But this project is helping me to be more engaged and appreciative, and to be less wasteful and careless with how I expend my energy. So, while I know I will still have my wastrel moments, I can confidently say I’m doing everything I can to remove this as a descriptor for myself, even though it can be so easy to disappear into the recesses of my brain and stare blankly ahead.